Entry 6

8/21/10

It's been a crazy end to the week!  11 hour days are for the birds...  lol

I got a call back from the doctor's office mid-week and was SO thankful to hear that he is planning on repairing my fistula!!!  Though, the nurse did qualify that by stating that it will all depend on what the doctor sees once I'm in the OR.

So, it looks like I'm in for a cystoscopy, fistula repair, and the removal of this mass...

I have lived my entire life with this fistula.  It has been my demon's biggest weapon and he uses it against me every chance he gets!  It's been a daily reminder that I'm "not like other guys."  After all...how many guys do you know that void out of 2 holes in their penis???  Just thinking about the possibility that this fistula could be resolved in the near future brings me to the edge of tears!

I am so full of hope right now!  It's a little strange knowing that I will not realize if the doctor was able to perform that part of the procedure until the recovery room.  But, I'm choosing to remain optimistic!  It WILL be done!  There's no room in my life right now for negative thoughts - I've got to remain positive!  And, if anyone is willing to send some additional positive thoughts or prayers my way, I'll gratefully accept them!

This is such a significant time for me right now.  I have often thought of what life would be like without this fistula but never thought that it could be a reality for me.  During a visit with my doctor a couple years ago, he advised against surgery due to the amount of existing scar tissue and my morbid obesity.  Not that I'm glad that I have additional symptoms now but I do see this as an opportunity to attain a level of peace in my life that I have not been able to feel before.  God, I hope this works!!!

Not sure if I mentioned this before, but I am planning on writing a comprehensive book about hypospadias.  For something so common, it is UNACCEPTABLE to me that there is still so little awareness and so much isolation!  I am on a mission!  And, I'm developing a growing addiction for writing.  It seems as the stars are aligning for me with this project; I'm experiencing that rare overwhelming sensation of confidence - like my mission is in alignment with God's plan.  I cannot fail!  There is something inside me that is longing to be shared with the world. 

Brace yourself...here it comes!