Entry 11

9/16/10

Well...today is the day!  I go under the knife at 3:10 this afternoon!

I'm sitting here on a cool, pre-fall morning contemplating what lies before me today.  The sunrise is absolutely beautiful!  Shades of pink and orange are lighting up the morning sky.  A cup of coffee would be perfect; but, I'm on the pre-surgical - "nothing by mouth" - diet today.  NO COFFEE FOR YOU!!! (for any Seinfeld fans out there)  lol

Several things have happened since my last entry. I've continued to find ways to keep myself busy so I wouldn't have too much time to stress out.  "Down time?"  What's that?  But, most importantly, was the text I received around 6:00 on Monday morning; Dion passed away!  Shock and sadness came over me.  The world lost a good man!  Again, the significance of my procedure was put in perspective for me.  There is always someone worse off than you; when you really stop to think about it, this is true...

My hypospadias has had a number of negative impacts on my life - my weight issues, trust issues, and insecurities to name a few.  BUT, it also has given me something extremely positive - intestinal fortitude!  Throughout my life, I have had to focus, dig deep, and find the determination necessary to overcome my "hypo hurdles."  It was time to call upon my strength again.  Earlier this week, the brutality of the procedure was sinking in - my penis was going to be cut open!  It didn't take long, however, for me to find my resolve.  I am determined and going to meet this head on!  I know that this is what I need to do and nothing is going to get in my way...

I am ready!  I can look past the surgical act, pain, and anxiety to see the end result!  I can do this!  This fistula has haunted me all my life!  It may sound silly to some, but the thought of only having one hole brings me to tears.  I am so close to attaining one of my dreams!  A little pain and the temporary inconvenience will be worth the result!  I am staying positive...

Thanks to everyone who has offered their encouragement and support to me as I've prepared for this procedure.  It has meant more to me than I can say.  Your thoughts and prayers have helped me to be strong. 

I am signing off for now and will do my best to let you know how I'm doing within the next day or so...